dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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