my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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