He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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