My first STD was from a foam party
Swine flu. Run for my life!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
