So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
