You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
