As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm having to shit out rocks
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