I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
