Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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