On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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