hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
