I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
