you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize