I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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