Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
