I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
