alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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