He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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