Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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