You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
