Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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