dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
