I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize