I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
sex in a hospital.. check
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
