All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
