You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize