I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
