I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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