Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
