Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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