I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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