Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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