I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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