Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
