The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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