omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you win again, gameday.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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