the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I don't think brook has ever known best
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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