Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
