She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he puts the penis in happiness.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
