Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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