I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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