I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
