good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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