I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
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Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
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I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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