there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
