so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
