my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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