You don't have asthma, your pregnant
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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