ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
