you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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