Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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