remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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