You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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