you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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