im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
