what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
