But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
