dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
MIDGETS
????
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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