You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
