nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
