I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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