that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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