i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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