If i could tip my vagina, i would.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
