So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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