How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize